Today is my dad's 60th birthday, and yesterday was my sister Andrea's 22nd birthday. She and her husband took a trip to Houston last weekend so she and my dad could celebrate their birthdays together.
A couple of months ago, I had sent out an email to some friends soliciting suggestions for a gift. If you responded to my email, you're probably wondering what I ended up getting him.
Well, he made it really easy. He told Andrea he wanted a new suit for his birthday. My dad hasn't bought himself a new suit since my other sister's wedding in 2000, and since then he's lost a lot of weight and an organ (his gall bladder). So I was all for contributing to his rather pricey ($461) birthday present, especially knowing that there's no way my sister could carry the burden of the cost alone.
I'd already budgeted to spend $200, so I figured that's a healthy amount to contribute and that the rest of the siblings could pitch in and help by dividing up the rest of the cost.
My other sister Marianne willingly offered to toss in $50. Perfect, now if we can get Kristen and Matt to go in on the suit for the same amount, it will be evenly distributed across the rest of them.
The problem??
Well, those two have this character flaw -- outstretched palms. Two peas in a pod, they both think the world owes them a living and Dad will forever be their bank.
My brother, his wife and their four kids spent two weeks at my parents house this past July. All expensed paid by dear old dad. According to my mom, they showed up with empty suit cases, and hardly any clothes or shoes -- so mom and dad ended up taking the kids clothes shopping. They all wanted to go to SeaWorld, so dad paid for the hotel rooms and the admission. My brother and his wife spent a day deep sea fishing (supposedly for their birthdays) and Dad paid for that. Mom said that she even gave them her credit card for the time they were there to cover their incidentals. (Yes, my parents are enablers.) The grand total for my parents?!! $3600. Gasp.
My 25-year old sister is not much better. She lives in Houston as well and will take my youngest brother (who still lives at home with my parents) out to dinner and a movie and then have my dad pay for both of them. She expects him to cover the cost of everything. My dad even bought her a new couch set for her apartment when she moved out of my parents house. And now that she's not talking to my mom, she's also written off my dad as well.
Do you think that these two would then take heart and want to help pay? My sense is that Andrea will never get a dime from them. How utterly sad. They will take, take, take. But when they have a single opportunity to pitch in -- even if it's just a small token, they cry poverty.
Andrea is very non-confrontational and would rather eat the cost of the suit than to ask for help, so I decided to get involved and round up the others.
First I called Kristen, to which I got an earful and then she said she didn't have any money and that she would have to wait for another paycheck. Funny, when Andrea talked to her about it last week, she said she didn't want to contribute.
As for my brother, I just sent him and his wife email, hoping to guilt them into helping out. Trying to entice them with "free gift with offer," here's what I wrote:
Wanted to remind you that it's Dad's 60th bday today if you haven't already had a chance to wish him a happy birthday.
Not sure if you know, but Dad wanted a new suit for his birthday, so when Andrea was down there in Houston last weekend, she took him shopping. It came out to be $461. I've pitched in $200 to help offset the cost. Since it's Dad's 60th, want to check to see if you could help contribute as well. Marianne is pitching in $50, and I'm also talking to Kristen to see if she can contribute $50. Andrea paid for it on her credit card, so if you can help, she'd definitely appreciate it.
Also, I want to get a jump start on thinking about the holiday shopping. Can you put together a list of things that the girls might want or need?
My prediction? They won't mention dad's suit, but I'll get a laundry list of things to buy the girls for Christmas.
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4 comments:
that particularly steams me that your brother & wife are more than willing to take gifts from you, but are unwilling to pitch in for a gift. What if you sadly mentioned that due to your helping out for the suit, your Christmas budget just won't stretch very far this year? Or you can just get stuff for the girls and not them?
This all being said, did the leader of this idea (Andrea?) ask ahead of time if there would be contributions from anyone? Or was it just hoped that they'd do the right thing? Sounds like you know your brothers and sisters very well, so it wasn't a huge surprise for you - just a huge disappointment.
When Andrea asked Dad what he wanted for his birthday, he took time to think about it and came back with a new suit.
The fact that he would ask for anything was a big deal. And so, despite it being a pricey gift, Andrea didn't feel like she should disappoint him. She'd rather carry the burden on her own than ask for help. I can't let that happen, so I'm going to be the heavy because it is absolutely the right thing to do.
Marianne think twice about it, and in fact, has ponied up $75 now. I did talk to Kristen and she's (albeit begrudgingly) going to contribute after she gets her next paycheck.
Still no response from Matt. Imagine that.
Well, the only child here who's practically an orphan is at a loss...
I agree with Red- your budget for Christmas gifts is just for the kids now :)
Update:
So I spoke to my brother on the phone and he didn't balk at the request. He said he's going to send a check to Andrea after he orders new checks. I guess we'll see.
And as for the kids vs adults Christmas gifts, I already instituted that a few years ago. With 7 nieces and a brother who is 14, I can't afford to buy the parents gifts too. And then gifts for the siblings who don't have kids yet.
Not to mention a significant other in my life who's also on the Christmas list. :)
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