My mother is driving me crazy. I can't tell you how many phone calls I've fielded from her today. All because of something I shared with my dad that I now realize I should have never even mentioned.
A couple of weeks ago, I spoke to my financial advisor about some investment options. And decided to turn some of my money sitting in my savings account into a money-making asset by investing some funds in a money market account. Going through the process of that transaction, I had to do the obligatory "Who's your beneficiary?" for the account.
I should say that up until now, every time this comes up, the default has been my dad. Mostly because there's really never been anyone else to handle my estate if something should happen to me.
But sitting in that chair, I decided to save myself some time later by going ahead and putting Rick down as my beneficiary, my dad as the secondary. If anything, this says more about my confidence in our relationship than anything. Of course Rick didn't want to hear or talk about it. He doesn't want to be on the form, and he just refuses to talk about the what if's.
During the account set up process, I called my dad to confirm his birth year for the form and naturally he asked what for. I told him, and he immediately launched into the lecture about Rick and I not being married. I shut him down and said I would not be having this conversation right now.
But of course, it's no surprise that my mom would be the next to jump on this bandwagon. So she's been calling me incessantly trying to get me to change my designation. Why? Because she is caught up in the possibility that if I die, then "Rick will remarry and he and his new wife will be spending my money." Hmmm. It's not like she's concerned about my sister's husband getting any money if my sister goes first, or that my sister-in-law would get my brother's assets if something should happen to him. She's just fixated that we're not married, and I happily informed her that I'm not going anywhere anytime soon, so she need not worry. That by the time this circumstance becomes relevant, Rick would ideally be my spouse, and therefore my primary beneficiary, and would be entitled to my assets. Yes, maybe it's a little premature to have him on this one account before I get my rock, but rest assured, I'm not calling up and changing the designations for any of my other policies or investment accounts, and in fact, it's my dad who would get it all.
Money brings out the ugly in my family, and frankly I'm not sure why mom thinks she's entitled to plead her case about this. When I do get around to drafting a will, I'm not going to tell my parents about it, and they certainly won't be benefiting from my estate since I plan to outlive them all anyway. Maybe I'll pull a Leona Hemsley and leave it all to the dogs? :)
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2 comments:
Ay yay yay. I'm sorry. :(
If my daughter told me that she was changing the beneficiary to her SO that she was not married to, I too would ask why such a heavy decision was made in that respect, but not in other respects - such as legally being married, or perhaps more importantly being put as the beneficiary in his paperwork. That would come from the highly honed protector part of my mothering. As you have a fantastic head on your shoulders and think about things carefully, I would would also take that heavily into consideration when having this discussion -- you aren't 21, you're delightfully in your 30s, cohabitating with your partner (who I adore), and you have the right to do what you feel is right for you, and for you both. Really, it's no different than moving into a joint checking account, which D and I did long before we were married. It's putting trust in your partner.
The act of changing one's beneficiary is a big decision, and I think of course it raises red flags. I would raise my eyebrows on that if I were just your friend (which I am) and you decided to do this, say, with your ex A. *shudder* I would try to chalk it up that your parents care deeply about you, but their delivery, like many times, is poor. What your parents are missing is the whole "I'm not sure I'd make the same decision, but I raised her right, and she has to make her own decisions" way of letting go on issues that they cannot control.
So if it helps, please allow me: you are such a good person, and you are smart, and loving, and responsible, and capable, and even if others would not make the same decisions that you would, that's okay. It is your life, and you are living it wonderfully.
I could not say it any better than R just did!
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