this fish won't stay tossed

I missed a phone call last night, and when I checked the caller ID to see who had called, I was a little surprised...but then again not. It was a ghost from my online dating past. After J and I had broken up in December, I decided it was time for me to get back on that dating bandwagon again, and so I went in search of love, or some derivative of it, online. That's where I came across Ken (no need to protect the identity of the guilty).

I distinctly remember it was February, because this guy was actually bold enough to call me on Valentine's Day just to chat. Maybe to see if I was, in fact, sitting at home alone on the only holiday that all single people despise. And I indeed was, sitting at home talking to my sister who was over visiting.

I went on a few dates with Ken, and having just had my heart broken by J, I was determined to give dating and relationships another chance. My mind was open, but by no means was I convinced that he was the one. I'm a little too cerebral with this love thing, and so I was exploring the possibility for good measure. That is....until he sent me this email.

Date: Sun, 26 Feb 2006 01:11:54
Hi. I just wanted to say that I've enjoyed getting to know you and think you're an attractive, intelligent girl, but I don't feel that magical spark that I think should be there. I'm sorry if I pushed a bit too fast on the physical chemistry side (that certainly was not lacking, it's more of a personality chemistry that I think was not really strong enough, if that makes sense). I'm a pretty hyperanalytical, long-time bachelor with a rather fairy taleish idea that I will just "know" pretty quickly when I meet the one for me, so please don't take this as anything other than that. I'm sure you'll find your match guy soon enough. =) Take care.

And there it was. I was no longer interested in giving anyone a chance. The funny thing is that this is obviously not the end of the Ken saga.

He called me out of the blue two weeks later, claiming that he missed me and wanted to take me to dinner and a movie. I caved and went with him. Mostly out of curiosity as to why he decided to go down this path again. That was the start of a very casual, and also very boring dating relationship. Typical boring lawyer that talks only about his cases, has a limited social network that mostly includes his tennis buddies -- which for the record play on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and either Saturday or Sunday.

That left Wednesdays for me. Two months later, it was like clock work...the phone call on Wednesday. "What are you doing tonight? Want to get dinner and watch a movie?" By this point I was more than done, I was working late so that I wouldn't be free and I knew I needed to break up with someone who I didn't even remotely consider a boyfriend. Double lame.

So on a Wednesday night in late April, I called him around 8 pm. Did the obligatory small talk..."how was your day?"..."Oh, yeah? Mine was ...." And then I told him that he was right, we didn't have personality chemistry (using language he apparently understands), said thanks for the memories, and if I ever change my mind, I'll let you know.

You would think this is where the saga ends. Nope....

In May I was visiting some friends in another state when I got a voicemail from none other....Ken. "Hey there, I think you might be out of town visiting your friends, but I miss you and would really like to share a bottle of wine with you and take you to dinner when you get back." I sent him a quick email confirming that I was out of town and would call him when I returned (which wouldn't be for another week.) During that week I received two more text messages from him to the effect of "are you still gone? and I really want to see you."

I never did call him. He finally got me on the phone and I decided I needed to put this to rest. So what did I do? Invite him to join me for an all day outdoor concert. I had gotten an extra ticket and really wanted to go and this certainly didn't involved wine or a movie.

The moment he came to pick me up, I knew I was in trouble. Very affectionate toward me. "I missed you" with an extra tight hug. We went to breakfast before we headed to the concert and then over the meal asked me if I wanted to join him for a weekend getaway with some off his friends for July 4th. Now mind you, this concert was Memorial Day weekend. A little presumptous to be planning something like this so far in advance, and frankly I could think of a million other things I would rather be doing with my July 4 weekend.

At the concert, the affectionate advances continued with some hand holding, and then leaning over in for kisses. I went with it, but wasn't sure I wanted to start this pattern again. And then I also died when he asked me while we were laying on the lawn listening to a band, "are you happy?" Say, what??!! Buddy, we are not in a relationship.

And that was that. When we got home, I called him the next day and we again had the "we're-not-right-for-each-other-but-there's-nothing-wrong-with-either-of-us" conversation. Two weeks later, no relapse call from Ken. And I thought I was in the clear.

That is until last night....

The missed call. "Hey, it's Ken the Commitment Phobe [I am not even lying]. I was in the mood for a glass of wine and wanted to see if you wanted to go to dinner and watch a movie."

DELETE

Won't be returning that call.

Besides, R is still around and I have a good feeling about this one. Maybe it's about time for me to get off the dysfunctional relationship merry-go-round.