say it with a card

There's something about holidays and taking stock of your own relationship. In a few weeks, we'll have been dating five months, and the relationship milestones are no longer a test to see if this has long term potential. For me, it's no longer about "will Rick be around in the future", but rather, "I can really see him in my future" and hoping that he was of the same mind.

A few months back, I had posted that the "L" word was really hard for me to verbalize. It can be such a scary word, putting yourself completely at the mercy of someone else, who may or may not return the affectionate phrase. But then you get to a point where it's no longer about caring what the other person thinks, but more about having the knowledge and conviction of your own feelings, and wanting to share that.

Having reached four months, I'd been spending some time really contemplating my relationship with Rick, whether I had true feelings for him, and having realized that I do, what to do about it. Never being one to sit around and wait, I set off on a search for the perfect card....one that would be able to convey what I was feeling, and more importantly allow me to put in black and white my feelings for him. Otherwise, I'd wimp out and probably never choke out the words.

Committed to paper, pouring out all my inner thoughts and feelings. And so the search for the perfect card ensued. It took me over four weeks and trips to four different cards stores, but I finally found the "one" with a sweet message that wasn't too overtly sappy or cheesy.

I kept the card with me, just in case he suddenly felt the urge to share with me his feelings. Tucked away in my car's visor, I would be able to quickly retrieve the card and reciprocate the ode to love.

Now going back to the steak dinner and his somewhat mysterious comments and actions -- you can now see why I wasn't expecting diamonds. L comes before M, and we hadn't even gotten to L yet. And I thought that the gift he had bought me might have come with an L, but the evening came and went, and I sensed that the opportunity to share my feelings with him would be sooner than later.

And so with an absolutely perfect Thanksgiving Day, we retreated for the evening. As we cuddled and talked about the day, I asked him to reach over and hand me a strategically placed envelope on the nightstand. With that, I handed it back to him and told him it was his.

He opened up the card, and started to read. I watched his face, waiting to see his unrehearsed reaction. As he got to the end of the card, I knew what he was reading, "I adore you, I cherish you, but most importantly, I want you to know that I love you."

He looked right at me and said, "I love you, too."

What a relief. All of the pressure for three little words and it was out in the open. The burden had been lifted.

He was actually quite cute about it. He said that he had planned to wait until Christmas, for it to be a special occasion, to tell me, but he then said, "I'm glad you said it first."

He went on to say that he'd been getting teased by a friend who could not believe we hadn't exchanged those three words. Of course, a few of my friends were also quite shocked that we had not reached that important relationship milestone yet.

But, Rick and I are a lot a like and our emotions are something we guard closely. Fragile pieces of us that we rarely like to show to others. We spent the rest of the weekend practicing the L word. Silly giggles about the whole thing and now that it's out in the open realizing how easy it is now to say to each other three simple, but meaningful words -- I love you.