don't be mad

Although you advised against it, I agreed to meet up with Jon for a drink. And honestly, I'm very happy that I did. It was a healthy, cathartic conversation that I feel has helped me to close that chapter in my life.

Last night was the first time in a very long time where we had a real conversation. It was six months ago when I last saw him and we had the disastrous Fourth of July boat excursion -- which resulted in the finality of our on-again, off-again relationship. And although we've exchange a few, light emails over the past six months, and happened to have run into each other at a concert in September, Jon and I never had a chance to clear the air. Looking back, I can't believe that it's been a full year since we "officially" broke up. One week before Christmas 2005...

Having time on my side, and a wonderful relationship which has helped to give me perspective. So seeing Jon was bittersweet -- I will always cherish what we had, but know (and also shared this with him) that I am very, very happy with my life and my relationship and that I have moved on.

I say that the meeting was cathartic for me, because I was able to share with him, in a very respectful, but candidly honest way, all of the things I had been thinking and feeling about where things landed with us.

The conversation started off pretty lighthearted with the "how are you's?" and "what have you been up to's?" And then we just talked. In a jestful way, I told him that breaking up with me last December, just one week before Christmas, was bad form. We talked about Rick. I told him all about him, how we met, and how lucky I was to have found such a great guy.

We talked about what it was about the relationship between me and Jon that hindered our ability to have a future together -- the kids issue, his inability to make me (or anyone else for that matter) a priority, and that he never really made me a part of his life. I told him that when things ended, it hurt and it sucked, but it was what I needed to move on. And because of that I have met someone wonderful, who is good for me, and that I have fallen in love with.

I was painfully open about the fact that I was glad that Rick and I didn't run into Jon and his date at the Citizen Cope concert because (despite being happy in my relationship) I'm not ready to see him with someone else. He had a hard time understanding why I felt that way. But in the end, I assured him that I want him to be happy. He told me that he is dating someone, and that she is not as understanding about why she only gets to see him once a week. (Welcome to the club, sister!)

I told him that Rick and I were going to Minnesota to meet his family. Jon told me that he could see me getting engaged soon to this one, and although it's hard for him to hear, he's very happy for me.

I knew it was a risk to see him. I had no idea how I would respond to seeing him again after so long. I had no idea how he would react. I left the restaurant feeling good, relieved and with a clear conscience. I was able to express the brutal, raw emotions I'd been feeling for the last year.
And so the chapter of Jon is now closed, and I know for a certainty in my heart that I have moved on. It was good to see him, but it didn't stir up any latent feelings that it would have before. I left the restaurant knowing that Jon and I have a deep, mutual respect for one another. We have a special friendship and will always have that, despite who each of us ends up with.

So with that, I'm off to Minnesota in a few days to meet the family. Wish me luck!