I'm a planner. I have everything in my life mapped out -- to some degree. So it's the lulls that are hardest for me to live with. And right now, I'm smack dab in the middle of a transition phase (mostly due to work circumstances) and it's driving me batty.
Without divulging too much, the work situation is stagnant. I love what I do, but I'm about to hit an inflection point where the foundation will be rocked. I know it, and I can't deny it. So I can do one of two things. Pre-empt and take control of my own destiny, or wait for the inevitable and then move on from there. My obvious choice being the Type A personality that I am is to take the bull by the horns.
I've had my feelers out since the Fall. The one job I really wanted didn't pan out for me. And I know that there's a very good reason why -- it wasn't meant to be for oh so many reasons. But having invested that much time into the job search has got me itching to keep on trucking with my quest for something new and fresh.
I'm actively pursuing two other positions right now, but it's a game of hurry up and wait. Sometimes it reminds me of those stupid videos that they play at the baseball games. Will the red hydro win? Will it be the yellow one? In my case it will be, which job will take longer to come through. If Job A comes back with an offer, but Job B is caught up in red tape bureaucracy, should I just take Job A if it's equally compelling? But since I have no offers to consider, it's really just futile to waste anytime dwelling on the what if's.
So then comes the part 2. And I'm sure my dear friends here will likely cast stones at me for saying this.....
The further consideration of the new job is with a future move in mind. No, not overseas as I've professed for as long as I can remember. More like MidWest. Yeah, I know. After our trip back to Minnesota for the holidays, Rick and I started talking about maybe someday ending up in Minneapolis. And so with the seed of that plan, it's evolved to a two-year plan to leave Seattle and put roots down in Minnesota. I figure that two years is a good amount of time to invest in a new job. Especially since Rick is starting his new job next week, and I will likely have a new job in the next few months. So if we plan carefully -- work on the house, research the housing market in Minneapolis, research the job market there, methinks that we could be ready to head eastward by early 2010.
And so there starts the avalanche of planning. If we're going to move, then I need the relationship commitment signed, sealed and delivered by 2010. In my estimation, I would want a proposal in the next six months, and then have an elopement of some sort in Spring 2009, clearing the way for intense planning for the move in 2010.
Once we get to Minnesota and get my 5 bdrm, 4 bth, 3-car garage, 3000+ sq ft new construction home with the fenced backyard, I'll start laying the plans for the next ten years of our life.
So you can see I'm in a quandary. I really want to start planning all of these fun things, but right now, it's first things first, and that means I need to get a new job pronto.
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7 comments:
Girl, I would never cast stones at you, but you gotta lighten up! I say that because all this planning might lead to some major dissappointment if things don't come through exactly as planned.
You're a lot like me and I know how good and fulfillng it feels to plan, plan, plan. I mean, heck, I pretty much planned the birth of my child down to the minute. But I can look back and say, gee, I should have let go a little bit more in certain areas of my life. That's when the little, everyday miracles happened- when I wasn't looking and, therefore, wasn't standing in the way.
I would hate to see you go, but would love to have a friend in Minnesota. I'm all for it. Planned or unplanned, you're gonna have a great life :)
You crack me up and make me feel spontaneous by comparison. Maybe it's the extra 5 years I have on you but you only have so much control over things and it's always good to have five backups to relieve any disappointment.
Knowing you I don't doubt you will get 90-95% of what you want, but that leaves 5-10% of disappointment.
I'm in the same boat right now in many ways, so I can relate, except the moving to Minn. part. I'll support you on that one, but I won't like it.
Michele, my heart goes out to you. But I echo Janya here...I am also super Type A and have always had everything organized and mapped out and tied up with a bow. And boy did I get the lesson of all lessons for that (in a span of two years, no less) - my father-in-law's death, my mother's cancer diagnosis, the near loss of my dad (twice) to a heart attack, an inability to get pregnant, and then a divorce. And then I was living in a whole new city, on a whole new coast. Suddenly I had no husband, no house, no dog, no job, no family anywhere nearby, and very few friends. Everything on my plan blew up in my face and my life is nowhere near where I thought it would be five years ago. Not that it's a bad thing as I had a hand in some of those changes and have been unbelievably blessed by some of them. Nor am I implying that this happens to everyone who plans. But you have to learn to breathe through the gray areas and uncertainty - and learn that you can't force anything, no matter how you try.
What I've learned is to appreciate and be grateful for exactly where you are - you have a good job, you recognize you're restless and are putting feelers out there for a new one, you're thinking about your next step, and you know you have a wonderful man who loves you. You also love him and appreciate him and know you've found "The One." That really is a true gift and take comfort in knowing that you're doing all you can to take an active role in your life just with those things. That's all you can do in this moment. The rest will come in time. I have finally accepted the gift of timing and just throwing it all to the universe knowing that it all comes when you're ready for it - and even when we think we're ready, there's probably a bit more waiting to do. Enjoy your life and do what you need to do for yourself. That's when and how the good stuff comes to you. You're a good person with good intentions and a solid conscience - only great things can come from that. :)
Trust in the process. Believe me, you will be happier and more relaxed when you truly accept it for what it is. And, if your heart calls you to Minnesota, listen to it. These are the best pieces of advice I can give after the three-year, uh, "adventure" I've had. :)
I'd totally come visit you in Minneapolis. Never been there. I'd like to get my picture taken with that big sculpture with the spoon & the cherry. Only if the whole family can come and we can play ALL DAY in the mountains o' snow.
XO R
Someone once told me, "If you want to make God laugh, just tell him your plan."
And seriously, it sure seems true. Life just spirals it's own way sometimes--actually most of the time.
But like you, I can't help but plan. I think it's a genetic thing or something. Planning isn't the problem, I guess it's how you deal with the emotions when those plans change...or collapse.
Good luck on all the job search! I'm dying to hear who you're talking to. I'll call you to catch up soon.
p.s. If you want to be cured (a little) of your type A personality, have children. They will show you the joy in the unexpected & the unplanned. And it's the brightest joy of any that I have ever experienced.
Big stuff, my dear.
As they say, good things come to those who wait, and great things can come to those who hustle their booty off.
As a fellow planner, I share the desire to have things mapped out. But try to take it one milestone at a time, and allow yourself the freedom of letting the subsequent steps rearrange as needed. The steps may not change, just the sequence or the timing.
I hear good things about the mid-west. They eat a lot of corn and red meat out there, don't they? =)
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