I think a few of you also read the Stephanie Klein blog. (If not, I have her linked to mine.) Anyhow, she's had a couple of interesting posts lately, one of which called the Ninth Hole where she discusses a friend's girlfriend and the fact that she's 36, is an attorney, lives at home with her parents, and says that she needs "to marry a man who'll buy [her] a Mercedes."
Money is such a funny thing. And as a woman, especially thinking about finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, it's been a very interesting process for me as I've evaluated how much financial success plays into the person that I want to spend 'happily ever after' with.
When I met Jon in Oct 2003, he was my knight in shining armor. Sure he was 16 years older than me, but he was smart, accomplished, young at heart, and we just connected on so many levels. When I met him, he was CEO of his company, had made his millions in leadership roles at previous companies and was about to set off to find his next executive adventure. Sure I was enamored when he bought his penthouse condo overlooking the lake. And sure I imagined our life together traveling around the world, because he would afford me the ability to retire early and just enjoy the finer things in life. But the reality was, our relationship was never based around the nice things he could afford, it was all about the things we enjoyed doing together like going to concerts, eating out, enjoying a bottle of wine. No where near the fantasy of jetsetting around the world. And of course that relationship wasn't meant to be and so that fantasy came to an end.
And then last July, I met Rick. So unlike anyone else I had dated or imagined myself with. He wasn't in technology. Just a very real, genuine and kind person who would give you the shirt off his back and is always there to help another. He's no millionaire. In fact, it's quite the opposite. I oftentimes have to remind myself that he can't afford to keep up with my lifestyle of $40 dinners every night and splurging on inane things. But none of that matters to me.
In the beginning, I wondered if his earning potential would be an issue for me. If we were to get married or have kids, it would be a real stretch to live just off his income. Could I okay with knowing that I'd be working forever and ever and ever? Would I be able to respect his contributions?
Through this process I have learned more about myself. You can't go through a Match.com checklist and prescribe yourself the perfect mate. You can't predict who that person will be, or what they will be like. I never in a million years thought I would be content being with someone who didn't make more money than me.
So when I read Stephanie's blog, I have to laugh. I was there once. Maybe I didn't expect Mr. Right to buy me a Mercedes, but subconsciously there was some expectation for financial security. Sometimes I think about me and Rick and where we're going. It couldn't feel more right, and now I know for myself, finding love really isn't about the money.
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You're smart. You've seen both sides and found that the person who is really truly there for you, regardles of what he brings to the table, is the person worth investing your life in. The guy who would stop everything if you fell ill just to have the chance to take care of you. That is Rick.
I met a bartender living in his mom's garage, playing in a garage band. Then he dabbled in real estate. Then he and I both went back to school and he played in a cover band on weekends. So I married a student, who changed his major his junior year. I didn't really know where we were headed, but we were headed there together.
Needless to say, I took my dad's advice: "Don't marry the person you can live with, marry the person you can't live without." And that's what I did. And I think that's what you'll do, too :)
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